Is it OK to ask for Help?
Perhaps you’ve been there. Perhaps you ARE there! Despite your best efforts, there’s simply not enough of you to go around. Perhaps you’re sick and could really use a meal. Something in your home or your car breaks. Maybe a bill is coming due, and you simply can’t pay it. Maybe, you’re sitting at home, lonely and need someone to talk to. Or, you have two children needing to be in two places at the same time and there is just one of you. What do you do? Is it OK to ask for help?
Our answers to these questions are often formed on the patterns we saw and messages we heard growing up. Some of us are from fiercely independent families and learned we are responsible for our own problems and to “pick ourselves up by our bootstraps.” We don’t ask for help! For others, it wasn’t self-pride, but shame that shaped us. We always felt less than those around us and asking for help simply reinforces that view. We don’t reach out either! For some, we saw those around us ask for help in times when maybe they didn’t need it or heard stories of those who took advantage of others generosity and that didn’t sit too well with us. What messages do you tell yourself? What are we to do?
So, is it really OK to ask for help? Would it help to know that Jesus, the Son of God, asked for help? You may have heard the story. Jesus is on his way home. He’s heading from Jerusalem to Galilee and he’s on foot. He decides it’s time for a break and stops at a well in Samaria. After sending the rest of the boys (the disciples) into town to get lunch, he watches a woman approach the well. Breaking all kinds of social customs, Jesus asks her for some water. Or perhaps you are familiar with Elijah who called fire down heaven on Mt. Carmel? Elijah, who God once fed by ravens, asked a deeply impoverished widow for food. I could go on. God wants us to be in community with others and community is about sharing our needs and giving what we have to those in need.
The reality is there are a lot of people who not only are willing to help, but they also love to help! The challenge is that they can’t help when the don’t know there is a need. And just like you may be struggling to ask for help they may be struggling to offer it, not wanting to be intrusive or risk being wrong and offend by offering.
But just because we can, doesn’t always mean that we should, and that we shouldn’t be wise about when and how we do it. Here are some practical things to consider:
Engage your network – years ago, when we were fostering, we sent a note out to our more intimate friends and family letting them know that we were entering a new & challenging season of our lives. We told them some of the things that would be helpful to us (occasional meals, help with rides, babysitting, encouragement, and prayer). We then asked who would like be part of that and several said, “yes, absolutely!” When needs came up, and they did, those are the people we reached out to because they had given us permission to do so!
Engage your support team – at Not Alone we engage support teams from local churches to meet needs. These teams love walking alongside our mamas and ensuring that you are known, loved, and supported. We can’t promise that we can meet every need but we’d love to know about it and see how God might provide. If you have a need, reach out to matt@notaloneministries.org.
Connect to local services – Most likely, your community has lots or resources to support you. The challenge is often finding them and then proactively engaging with them. Need help or ideas? Let us know.
General Wisdom – There is a delicate balance of allowing our community to provide support and taking advantage of that support. Scripture is very clear that we need to be actively at work tackling the challenges in front of us, then when we have done our best and we still need help, to humbly reach out.
